“I think we have learned a lot about each other, and I have learned a lot about myself. I couldn't have faced myself and understood where many reactions come from without being married to someone from a different culture and background. The greatest moments are when we are all happily together having fun.” “I feel we have more responsibility towards society as an intercultural couple, to set a good example of the positiveness of mixing cultures – and the enjoyment of it.” |
COUPLES IN THIS SECTION
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The Intercultural Couple
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Duo Project’s own Love and Parenthood Guide describes culture in the following terms: “Culture contains all the information that is passed on from one generation to the next, for example, in the form of language, habits and customs. People consider the values that are characteristic of their own cultures important and define through these ideas what is “normal” and “abnormal”, wanted and not wanted. Our ways of expressing ourselves and our feelings – happiness and sorrow, satisfaction and irritation – are also influenced by our cultural background. In other words, every one of us is, to some extent, the product of the culture we grew up in. Culture also affects the way we perceive the world and interpret our experiences. People can interpret the same situation in many different ways and, although the interpretations are different, they are all correct in their own way.
“We need more different ‘colours’ in our society. Intercultural families have a very important role to play.” Differences in cultures bring their own challenges to an intercultural romantic relationship, but dissimilarities in personalities and world views don’t always cause problems. Many people would even find a relationship with someone who was exactly the same boring and too predictable.” (Love and Parenthood in an Intercultural Family: Between cultures, pp. 10-12)
“Intercultural families have a great possibility to bring up a new, open and tolerant generation.” In addition, culture varies hugely depending on the individuals involved, the society from which they come and the experiences they have had. Your culture, and that of your partner, is personal and made up of many different components. What we experience in our lives not only shapes our culture and what we value, but also how we view the world and treat others. Our own personal culture gives us a unique identity and perspective on everything, and by understanding this concept we are able to see just how it can affect parenthood and the possible issues surrounding it – not to mention your child and the family environment. The only parental model we have first-hand experience of comes from our parents and is different from person to person. Therefore, if you communicate with your partner what you have experienced and what is important to you when it comes to parenting, you are better able understand and support each other as parents and partners.
“I think it's four different facets, not only having two cultures, but you have the other culture and you learn to understand a little of the other culture, but that culture gives you a vision of your own culture, and you can look at your own culture from the view of that, and vice versa, the other person can do it too, so I think it is an enriching experience. If you want to improve, of course, we don't always want to improve, and people are stubborn - I am talking mostly about myself here." This is, of course, more simplistic in a same-culture relationship, as the likelihood will be that the parenting styles the partners have experienced are more similar. Every couple has emotional and cultural layers, but due to the fact that intercultural couples are from different countries, climates and cultures they will inevitably have more layers with which to contend. In many cases this heightens the need for dialogue and compromise. However, this isn’t automatically a negative aspect, and couples who are able to talk openly, listen to the other and respect each other’s views, often come up with innovative and unique ideas and solutions. Acknowledging your similarities and differences and discussing these issues with your partner is important, as communication will allow you both to be aware of how the other is feeling and what they believe is important.
"Somehow I would say that having that insight is really enriching, and especially having a child, I think these days it is really important to understand that no culture is homogeneous. There is no such thing as a pure-bred Finn. That's like, I mean there has been such a mishmash of cultures anyways, and we all have so many different things. I mean, if you think about what Finns eat, we have kebabs from Turkey and pizza from Italy and that's the sort of Finnish food. It would be ridiculous to claim that there's some sort of isolated cultures. And having that in your family situation, having that as part of bringing up a child makes the child understand that there is diversity and there is richness in diversity. And there is a lot to be learned from that.” |
COUPLE InterviewsOnline Lecture |
