“It's good to be prepared for the baby and to read up about whatever you can. Of course, stay calm and take it easy, but be ready for the baby - physically, emotionally and mentally. Try to find out about the other person's background and culture and how they deal with children, if there is any sort of difference in that then it's good to talk it out.” “Don't try to solve everything and every issue beforehand. Everything will still be unexpected, new, different, surprising - just take it as it comes and day by day. Enjoy each other’s company now that you are still just two of you. Do things that make you happy and gives energy. Be patient and don't try to change the other person. Women realize, adapt and learn to live with the situation faster - men follow....” |
COUPLES IN THIS SECTION
QUICK LINKS
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The Pregnant Couple
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Use the material in this section – the homework assignments, the video clips and the Childbirth in Finland online lecture by Childbirth Educator and Birth Doula Marjaana Siivola, audio clips and the bonus material – to find out more about issues related to pregnancy and giving birth.
“I would read more about being a parent and especially about lactating. I was so concentrated on preparing for the pregnancy and giving a birth that I ignored these issues totally. I thought that they weren't important, but then I found out that things would have gone easier if I had paid more attention to them beforehand.” After the initial joy of discovering you are going to be a parent, the practical issues surrounding parenthood soon come into focus. There are a number of things to take into consideration, appointments to book, practicalities to take care of, and items to purchase. Every couple across the globe has these issues to contend with, but an intercultural couple has yet more to think about when it comes to having children – particularly when visualising what to expect.
“Your family is unique. Acknowledge it and express it, do not try to fit into a mould of marriage or family of either of your cultures or backgrounds. Seek out your own family identify. Yet, it is very good to hear how others are doing on this path - search for a supportive community and don't stay alone.” At this stage, looking at your past and how you were brought up may give you some kind of indication as to how you may act and react as a parent. The gender roles, family involvement, cultural identity and emotional expression you experienced growing up will no doubt affect the way you perceive parenthood, and your partner will be the same. By thinking about these issues and sharing your thoughts and experiences with your partner, you may learn new things about you both. You may also be able to identify a number of positive common aspects and similarities you share which you both want to pass on, as well as issues that may need to be addressed. This will hopefully open up the lines of communication yet further and prevent either of you taking the basics for granted – just because you think something is normal does not mean that your partner necessarily feels the same way. As you talk about what kind of parents you want to be, you will gain understanding of your partner and, perhaps more importantly, your partner of you
“Make sure you understand your partner's childhood, their family culture, their parents' good and bad: these will become the basis of how each of you understands parenting and the assumptions of what to do in certain situations. The underlying tacit understanding of children, childhood, development and parenting are crucial to open and converse about and decide within your own family what are the expectations, desires and goals. No matter how much I thought we had done this, a majority of our conflicts essentially arise from differing childhood cultures (not only from different countries, but different family lives).” In addition, culture varies hugely depending on the individuals involved, the society from which they come and the experiences they have had. Your culture, and that of your partner, is personal and made up of many different components. What we experience in our lives not only shapes our culture and what we value, but also how we view the world and treat others. Our own personal culture gives us a unique identity and perspective on everything, and by understanding this concept we are able to see just how it can affect parenthood and the possible issues surrounding it – not to mention your child and the family environment. The only parental model we have first-hand experience of comes from our parents and is different from person to person. Therefore, if you communicate with your partner what you have experienced and what is important to you when it comes to parenting, you are better able understand and support each other as parents and partners.
“I have gained more wisdom, especially from the experience I had before getting pregnant (as I had a few miscarriages, a risky pregnancy and bed-rest confinement for the whole of the third trimester). I learned that it is indeed a miracle - which I never really thought of before and grew to appreciate the right of being overwhelmed in each couple's own context. One of the greatest moments was when my son said “meme”, which means mom in my language. It also feels good when he hugs me voluntarily.” |
COUPLE InterviewsOnline Lecture |
Homework
Bonus material |
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