Martha Cecilia Largaespada's Story

Story #16

​Intercultural families: my type of roller coaster and we are here to stay!
 
Last month I had my 7-year wedding anniversary which also marked a 11-year relationship with my husband. Intercultural marriage is not always an easy ride and after achieving this milestone, I thought of writing about the ups and downs of this colourful roller coaster. We are a Finno-Nicaraguan family with a 5-year-old daughter and a small blue bird. Yes, living the Ruuhkavuodet (traffic years) is an essential part of our family identity. 
 
If you see our family eating in a restaurant, the first thing you will notice is the trilingual blend of Finnish, Spanish and English that we speak all together. It is quite entertaining but sometimes I worry that my daughter might end up not being able to separate one language from the other. The same happens for me: there are words in my mother tongue - like mustikka- that I fail to remember due to the prolonged exposure to Finnish language lessons. It is impressive that my husband understands Spanish just by being exposed to it, while I am struggling to learn Finnish. The relieving part of this is that languages simply make my family unique and rich, we all want to learn from each other. 

​Just like languages overlap, our identities are also chameleonic. For instance, we fit the stereotype of my Finnish husband being more introverted, I am the extrovert smiley Latina and the mixed ambivert child with a bit of all. It is hard to explain with examples, but over the years, I have noticed that we all play the introvert, extrovert and ambivert to adjust to circumstances, people and even weather. One more time, having options from the intercultural blend is a resource at our disposal. 
 
I give a lot of credit to my husband and I for raising a healthy and kind child. Yes, intercultural marriage with children is about giving generous doses of self validation to the efforts and sacrifices to keep a good pace with work, life, and responsibilities when you do not have social networks or extended family giving you a hand when needed. That has been our case and I truly value the communication we have built to find the right balance for our small family unit. There is one rule of thumb in our marriage: there is nothing we cannot speak about!

​Self care and hobbies are crucial for each member of the family. Our daughter goes to ballet, and I do my best to arrange playdates with kids that also speak Spanish. My husband is into all activities that require being in Finnish forest and survivalist stuff. I am a Marathon runner. I will take a moment to say that as the foreigner member of the family, finding a passion for distance running has been my secret sauce to build sisu, resilience and physical fitness to withstand the challenges of finding Finland as the place where I want to live the rest of my life. Every time I cross the line of a Marathon race, I remind myself that I can do it and I can also find my way in the happiest country in the world. 

​All this knowledge about intercultural marriage did not appear by coincidence. Many years ago, my husband dragged me to a peer-support group in Familia, where I felt that my family was not a lost unicorn. I never imagined that years later I would end up working two years for Familia shaping, among many other things, its advocacy agenda about neuvola services and maternity package in Finland. I have so many things to say and thank to the organization, that words fall short. Still, I will end by saying that one of the most valuable gifts I keep from Familia is the ability to have the tools to love, understand and support my beautiful intercultural family and to be convinced on how important we are for the future of Finland.
 
Happy 35th Anniversary to Familia. With over 90,000 intercultural families in Finland, we are here to stay!

Editor: yvette ahonen