​I am a mom. A mom in an intercultural family! A mom with a partner and 5 children + a big dog. A family where we speak 3 languages between us, but Not a single person of us can speak all the languages. That is my family, even though not all the children are biologically mine, but mentally they are mine and will always be. I also have a big dog now. It is funny how love has “given” me all these bonuses, because I never wanted many kids, and I am terrified of dogs. Anyway I am in love with my partner and I also got to a point where I appreciate my bonus dog. I see myself as the luckiest ever, to have all my kids. How I was brought up, it is normal to get none, one or two children. Not five!

​For Mother's Day in Finland, I would like to share reflections and experiences about the maternity package and neuvola services in Finland. If you make a quick browse online, you will read that ” The maternity package (in Finnish: äitiyspakkaus,) known internationally as the Finnish "baby box," is a kit granted by the Finnish social security institution Kela, to all expectant or adoptive parents who live in Finland or are covered by the Finnish social security system. By neuvola services I refer in this blog to the prenatal care offered by public clinics of the Finnish healthcare system.
What is the paradox that I want to tell?

​We most likely all agree that good communication is one of the key factors to any successful relationship. Communication with our partner happens daily, whether it is verbally or non-verbally. We are in constant interaction with other people, especially in our romantic relationships. Now what happens if our ways to think, feel and speak are very different from out partner’s? What if we use words and expressions differently? What if our views, values, practices that are familiar to us seem contrary to the ones our partner has? Differences easily lead to misunderstandings, frustration, disconnection and conflict. 

​Duo vanhempainvalmennusryhmiä on järjestetty vuodesta 2009 asti, ja jo lähes 600 vauvaa odottavaa kahden kulttuurin paria on osallistunut ryhmiin! Tämä tarkoittaa myös sitä, että valmennukseen osallistuneille pareille on syntynyt ainakin yhtä monta vauvaa, joista valtaosa on ehtinyt kasvamaan taaperoiksi, leikki-ikäisiksi, koululaisiksi ja teini-ikäisiksi. Mutta mitä me osallistujista tiedämme? Entä mitä osallistujat valmennukselta odottavat ja mitä he siltä saavat? Siitä kerron seuraavaksi, mutta aloitan jakamalla erään valmennukseen osallistuneen palautteen:

​Lähes kaikki Duo vanhempainvalmennukseen osallistuneet odottivat tapaamisten aikana ensimmäistä lastaan. Viimeisen kolmen vuoden aikana (2020-2022) 97 % osallistujista oli tulossa vanhemmaksi ensimmäistä kertaa.

Moi Kaikille! I am Azra from Malaysia, and this is my story. I was born in Malaysia in an intercultural family. My father was born in Malaysia to a family originating from India and my mother was a Malay with mixed parentage of Indian and Indonesian.  I grew up with intercultural dynamics within my family among the three major race groups in Malaysia (Malay, Chinese and Indian). I was well aware of the mixed culture we adopted as part of our family lifestyle. We would dress in Malay traditional clothes and watch and listen to Indian movies and songs, while enjoying sumptuous Chinese food for dinner. 
​
My understanding and realization of culture, identity and relationships were enhanced further in my adulthood.  Prior to Finland, I had lived in Australia, Vietnam and Ukraine for work reasons and have met many intercultural families among friends and colleagues. I loved making friends with people from all over the world within my work circle, learning usually something new about their culture, heritage and traditions. 
​
I visited Finland for the first time in 2014 during the summer and then again in 2018. I was captivated by the beautiful nature and the flexibility of the lifestyle in Finland. I travelled to Rovaniemi and even met with Joulupukki in his hometown. I remember I told Joulupukki what I wished for Christmas, “something special from Finland”.  Little did I know, I would meet a really special man from Finland after that.  

In Finland, we talk a lot about freedom and human rights, but in increasing multiculturalization, I have experienced narrowed understanding of them. Freedom of speech, or the right to expression, is really something so basic but the understanding of the concept of those issues is complicated from time to time. Also, racism is still a part of our world which is sad to acknowledge.

In my intercultural family we really have many cultures mixed, and we all have many colours. For example, I am lighter skinned, and my husband, on the other hand, is a darker skinned person. We are both Muslims. I am a Muslim woman that prefers to wear a hijab and I made that decision a long time ago, even before considering the possibility of marriage with my husband. 

Recently, I faced an uncomfortable situation. I was in a market with my husband, and we were in a queue for the cashier. While I was paying for our groceries, I heard a man in the queue after us saying to my husband: “Here in Finland we have women walking around freely.” I felt anger boiling up inside me. I replied: “I walk freely and just as I want to.” 

When I first moved here, I found some similarities between Finland and my home country of Canada. I felt some sense of familiarity with nature, which makes me feel like I could be in Canada, and the attitude of surviving winter - that all one needs is the proper clothing to get outside. In the summers, people in both Canada and Finland flock to a cabin near a lake, and in winter many people do winter activities like skiing or playing ice hockey. Canadians are stereotypically very polite, and Finns are stereotypically very reserved, but for some reason, the aggressive and physical game of ice hockey attracts players from both countries. 
​
Usually, when I travel internationally, people have not heard of my hometown, it’s not a big city and not a tourist destination. However, when I moved to Finland, I realized that people had actually heard of my hometown of Winnipeg! One of Finland’s most famous hockey players, Teemu Selänne made his start in Winnipeg, and more recently, Patrik Laine was drafted to Winnipeg and played there for a few years.

It is evident that the number of couples and families in the world whose partners are from different countries has increased due to multiple factors. It is therefore important to ask how daily life is lived when different worldviews, cultures, languages, and religions are shared. 
​
It is apparent that intercultural families are a natural flow in the process of the world becoming a global village and it is a good way to become interested in and understand other countries, societies and cultures. In this context I would like to take a look at intercultural families in Finland where I am a resident. Before trying to develop a response, we should review some figures and evidence. ​

For the past month and a half, since I began my internship at Familia, I have been working as a part of the BElingual team which aims to support families with under school-aged, multilingual   children. There are over 70,000 intercultural couples and families in Finland, with half of them including intercultural children. Because of this, a project like BElingual certainly has a place within the contemporary Finnish society.

Puolisoni suomenkielentaito on saanut usein kehuja. Moni kysyy missä ja miten hän on oppinut suomea niin hyvin. Mieheni muistaa useimmiten kiitellä Suomen ammattitaitoisia opettajia ja laadukasta kotoutumiskoulutusta. Itse muistan kehuskella omaa työpanostani kotiopettajattarena.  

Suomenkielen oppiminen oli ensimmäisinä yhteisinä vuosinamme todella korkealla prioriteettilistalla meillä molemmilla. Suomessa harva pystyy elämään ja työskentelemään täysin ilman suomenkieltä – ainakin työnsaantimahdollisuudet ovat huimasti rajatummat. 

Mieheni ilmoittautui kotoutumiskoulutukseen heti kun muutti Suomeen keväällä 2012. Silloisessa kotikaupungissamme Kuopiossa koulutukseen oli jonoa, joten hän pääsi sinne vasta tammikuussa 2013. Onneksi monikulttuurisuuskeskuksessa järjestettiin avoimia suomenkielen kursseja läpi kesän ja syksyllä mieheni pääsi siellä järjestettävään Tervetuloa Suomeen! –kurssille. Näiden ulkopuolisten opettajien lisäksi otin omaksi kunniatehtäväkseni edistää mieheni kielenoppimista sen verran kuin parisuhteemme kesti.  

Tässäpä siis muutama kotikonsti kielenoppimiseen, joista oli meillä hyötyä: 

Sano puolisollesi ääneen (suomeksi) se itsestäänselvyys, että ”minä autan sinua”. Uuden kielen omaksuminen aikuisena ei välttämättä ole mikään pikkujuttu, mutta sinun aktiivisella avulla on iso positiivinen merkitys. Muista kuitenkin, että oppiminen vie aikaa. Ajattele, että viisi työntäyteistä vuotta tuottavat niin hyviä tuloksia, että niistä voi nauttia seuraavat 50 vuotta. Puoliso oppii asioimaan itsenäisesti kaupassa, pankissa, postissa, työkkärissä ja talonmiehen kanssa. Jos et viitsi auttaa puolisoa oppimisessa ja hoidat kaikki asiat hänen puolestaan, joudut ”kärsimään” puolisosi huonosta kielitaidosta lopun ikäsi. Ei ole reilua ketään kohtaan, että sinä olet vastuussa kaikesta ja puolisosi täysin riippuvainen sinusta.