It is evident that the number of couples and families in the world whose partners are from different countries has increased due to multiple factors. It is therefore important to ask how daily life is lived when different worldviews, cultures, languages, and religions are shared.
It is apparent that intercultural families are a natural flow in the process of the world becoming a global village and it is a good way to become interested in and understand other countries, societies and cultures. In this context I would like to take a look at intercultural families in Finland where I am a resident. Before trying to develop a response, we should review some figures and evidence.
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My Finnish language learning journey started when I decided to move to Finland some years ago...27/2/2022 I would say that it was quite a complicated path since I was quite on a rolling coaster on-and-off studying Finnish. I was quite passionate about this language at first, then I was occupied with other activities in my life and Finnish language was no longer a priority. Long story short, I started learning Finnish again in the summer of 2021. It was the first summer in Finland that I did not go to work and stayed at home all day cramming Finnish instead.
My 10-hour daily routine for learning Finnish include 2 hours of speaking only in Finnish preparing for YKI test, 4 hours of reading one selkokirja, 2 hours of watching series and films in Finnish and the rest is for doing grammar exercises in various kinds of grammar book. I do believe I completed learning Suomen mestari 1-2-3-4, Samalla kartalla 1-2, Harjoitus tekee mestari 1-2-3-4, Hyvin menee 1-2, Ykinköö ja Ykäänkö and several language books available in the library. I did enjoy and sometimes hate the process, and, occasionally, I simply wanted to give up. However, I believe that the crucial element to my success passing YKI 4 level is not the learning process but hope that drags me all the way. I promised to write about long distance relationships and my own experiences living in one for the month of February – the month cradling Valentine’s Day in its grasp. Even though the topic was my own idea once I started to plan the actual post, I got nervous. You see, the initial reaction for many people when hearing the words “long distance relationship” is doubt. On top of that I am a pessimist at heart and instead of blog posts I mostly write fiction in the category of drama. How can I write a blog post which is honest to myself, not written like a drama or not as a list of insecurities? I don’t want to publish something like that, especially in February even if the Amor’s arrow has a long, long, long distance to go.
Let’s see how that goes. In late 2019 me and my partner had been in our intercultural relationship for four months when he needed to leave Finland (we are the study abroad cliché). Four months are not much to get to know someone, yet we decided to try to continue our story in the long-distance format. The plan was for me to go to meet him twice during the next half a year, first to visit and next to stay since I got an internship position in his country. Then, as you might guess, Covid happened. Intercultural friendship. Finnish friends are rare treasures to keep close once you find them.14/2/2022 When I entered the classroom she thought –“why is she wearing full make-up matching her flamboyant clothes and high heels for a university lecture at midday?”-. The first time I saw her I couldn’t stop noticing her deep black hair which she clearly dyed to blend in Nicaragua. - “Who is this chela (blonde in Spanish slang) trying to fool?” Certainly, first impressions could be misleading but Varja and I managed to overcome culture clash and find each other as friends. Time, distance, and life situations have tested our friendship which have lasted over 15 years. At this point, it is worth recapping some our experiences.
The MenTalk initiative was undertaken by an organizational collaboration between Familia and Perhelinna/Trapesa during the 2021 autumn season in Espoon keskus. MenTalk is a closed peer support group model to provide a space where men can bring their daily difficulties that derive from an ideal image of masculinity, which could have been passed onto them or developed over time.
By sharing experiences and questioning our behaviors with other men going through similar issues, we intended to discuss and find improved ways of communication, understanding of needs, feelings, behaviors and boundaries. For the past month and a half, since I began my internship at Familia, I have been working as a part of the BElingual team which aims to support families with under school-aged, multilingual children. There are over 70,000 intercultural couples and families in Finland, with half of them including intercultural children. Because of this, a project like BElingual certainly has a place within the contemporary Finnish society.
My experience at Familia ry intercultural families advocate association.
My time at Familia has been truly an enriching experience. Enrichening because of the range of tasks I have gotten to complete together with the other staff members, as well as every now and then getting to spread my own wings as an intern and independently work my way through situations. I say enriching also because of the various little nuggets of insight I have gained by working in an organization with this wide range of services offered to a client group as multifaceted as intercultural families. In addition, I have gotten to connect and cooperate with many organizations with different missions and clientele, as well as universities and Familia’s lovely volunteer base learning from each experience something new. My internship was timed between summer and fall so experiencing the different seasons in the associations work was an interesting journey through the types of tasks all while maintaining my professional perspective as a social services practitioner (sosionomi). I got to apply my professional view not only in the practical outcomes of my work but also practice self-reflection in the light of the work and situations. The summer was all about intensely focusing on one or two assignments and independently taking the time to get to know the organization, its history and having the freedom to try different things out in the projects assigned to me. I got to voice my thoughts and ideas in project meetings. I was included in the conversations as a staff member. I felt heard and I also got to hear others. Sometimes I was positively challenged in conversations, and I also got to challenge others. In my case, summer’s biggest task included connecting to volunteers and professionals around antiracism project and participating in coordinating its workshops (Ymmärretään yhdessä/Let’s Understand). I also got to work on some educational material on communication for intercultural couples, which opened my eyes to a whole new plethora of factors behind work among couples and more specifically intercultural couples. Fall on the other hand, brought with it a different kind of “arki” or everyday schedule where some of the activities that were not active during the summer suddenly became a big part of the work. This part was more about learning to work within a larger staff community and finding one’s own place in it in the middle of deadlines and meetings. The different meetings and briefings offered me a front row seat to witness how this community of multidisciplinary staff each got to shine in our own area of expertise in the various activities Familia offers from peer groups to language classes, and independent projects such as the afore mentioned antiracism workshops or mental health projects including a webinar, I was given the opportunity to organize on the topic of intercultural women’s mental health in Finland. This internship has taught me to be a part of a work community. A community that values its members as professionals with insight and experience, while also acknowledging the cultural resource each can bring to the table no matter how it may differ from the person sitting next to them. I learned to value a workplace where not only is the formal goal, to support and advocate cultures and diversity as an external goal, aiming at societal and structural change, but where we also include this same focus as part of our work culture and office environment. I saw an example of how not to be afraid to live out values at the coffee table. Oh boy, did we have some enjoyable “kahvipöytäkeskustelu” with different team members. I got to sit at the table with co-workers and volunteers with different life experiences and cultural perspectives from mine and feel included and welcomed as an intern, as an intercultural woman and as a human being beyond the labels and titles. Thank you, Familia! Maria Amani Intern Summer- Autumn 2021 Familia Ry Rasismi ja syrjintä ovat olleet tämän rasisminvastaisen viikon keskeisiä puheen aiheita. Familian 16.3. järjestämässä Antirasismi Workshopissa keskusteltiin ennakkoluuloista ja siitä, miten toimin kohdatessani rasismia tai syrjintää. Keskusteluun osallistui joukko naisia, joista suurin osa äitejä. Miesten poissaolo herätti ihmetystä, eikö aihe kiinnosta miehiä ja isejä? Lasten kohtaama rasismi ja syrjintä koskettaa koko perhettä. Jokaisen perheenjäsenen kokemukset ovat erilaisia ja siksi niistä puhuminen voi tuntua vaikealta, mutta on tärkeä pystyä puhumaan ja jakamaan omat kokemukset ja erityisesti ne tunteet mitä rasismin ja syrjinnän kokemukset herättävät. Ymmärrys siitä, että jokaisen oma kokemus on yksilöllinen, mutta tärkeä, auttaa puheeksi ottamisessa lasten kanssa. Keskustelun avaaminen ja sen käyminen on siksi ensiarvoisen tärkeää. Ei pidä ajatella, ettei toinen ymmärrä, vaan auttaa toista ymmärtämään miltä itsestä tuntuu. Keskusteluun pitää saada mukaan kaikkien ääni, jotta ymmärrystä ja oppimista suuntaan ja toiseen tapahtuu. Kukaan ei saa pelätä osallistumista ja omien ajatustensa esille tuomista. Jokaisen kokemus on erilainen, koska siihen vaikuttaa jokaisen oma kulttuurinen kompetenssi eli tausta, kasvatus ja aikaisemmat kokemukset. Esimerkiksi suomalaisessa kulttuurissa on aika tyypillistä pyrkiä välttelemään mahdollisia konflikteja ja olla ottamatta kovin voimakkaasti kantaa asioihin. Mutta jokaisen kokemus on yhtä tärkeä ja opettava jaettavaksi. Dialogin avaaminen aiheesta on avain oppimiseen. Tärkeä osa oppimista on myös oman etuoikeuden tunnistaminen ja tiedostaminen. Sen olemassaolon havaitseminen usein yllättää. Erityisesti kun on kyse kahden kulttuurin perheistä, joissa perheenjäsenten roolit ulkopuolisten ja yhteiskunnan silmissä ovat hyvin erilaiset puhuttaessa etuoikeudesta. Erityisesti omien lasten kohdalla on vaikea hyväksyä perheen jäsenten eriarvoisuus yhteiskunnan silmissä. Vaikka valkoiset eivät itse Suomessa suoranaista rasismia kokisikaan, he voivat olla "allyja" eli liittolaisia sitä täällä kokeville. Oma kokemus voi perustua välilliseen rasismin tai syrjinnän kokemukseen oman perheen tai läheisen kautta. Kokemuksen ja siihen liittyvät tunteet voi jakaa, vaikka itse ei olisikaan asiantuntija tai vähemmistöryhmään kuuluva. Selkeä yhteinen nimittäjä ”Antirasismi workshop” keskusteluun osallistuneilla naisilla oli äitiys ja lapsiin kohdistuvat rasismin ja syrjinnän kokemukset. Näiden jaettujen kokemusten kautta onkin hyvä miettiä, onko tärkeämpää keskittyä meissä oleviin eroihin vai meitä yhdistäviin ominaisuuksiin kuten äitiys ja jokaisen äidin halu pitää lapsensa turvassa ja varjella heitä ympäröivältä pahalta. Familia jatkaa aiheen parissa työskentelyä antirasismihankkeessaan ja järjestää myös tulevaisuudessa mahdollisuuden avoimelle keskustelulle, jossa on tilaa jokaiselle kahden kulttuurin perheenjäsenen äänelle. Antirasismihankkeen tiimin puolesta Anu Kytömäki, monikulttuurisen perheen etuoikeutettu äiti ja puoliso Racism and discrimination have been at the key topics of discussion of the week against racism. 16th of March Familia organized The Anti-Racism Workshop to discuss prejudice and how I act when faced with racism or discrimination. Group of women, most of them mothers, took part in the debate. The men's absence caused wonderment, aren't men and fathers interested in the subject?
The racism and discrimination faced by children affects the whole family. The experiences of each family member are different and therefore talking about them can seem difficult, but it is important to be able to talk and share your own experiences and especially the emotions aroused by the experiences of racism and discrimination. Understanding that everyone's own experience is individual, but important, help to bring up the topic with children. Opening and running a debate is therefore of paramount. You should not think someone does not understand. Instead, you should help that someone to understand how you feel. You must hear everyone's voice in the conversation, to ensure understanding and learning in one direction and another. No one should be afraid to participate and to express their own ideas. Everyone’s experience is different, because it is influenced by everyone's own cultural competence i.e., the background, education, and past experience. In Finnish culture, for example, it is quite typical to try to avoid potential conflicts and not to take a very strong stand on things. But everyone's experience is just as important and educational to share. Opening a dialog on the topic is the key to learning. An important part of learning is also the identification and awareness of one's own privilege. Detecting it existence often surprises. Especially when it comes to intercultural families, where the roles of family members in the eyes of outsiders and society are very different when it comes to privilege. Especially for your own children, it is difficult to accept inequality among family members in the eyes of society. Even if white people in Finland themselves do not experience outright racism, they can be allies, for those who experience it here. Own experience may be based on indirect experience of racism or discrimination through your own family member or loved one. Experience and related emotions can be shared, even if you are not an expert or a member of a minority group. Clear common denominator in Anti racism workshop women who participated in the debate had maternity and experiences of racism and discrimination against children. It is a good idea to think about these shares of experience, whether it is more important to focus on the differences in us or on the qualities that unite us, such as motherhood and every mother's desire to keep their children safe and protect them from the evil that surrounds them. Familia continues to work on the topic in its anti-racism project and will also provide an opportunity for open discussion in the future, with room for each voice of a family member of two cultures. On behalf of the Anti-Racism Project team Anu Kytömäki, privileged mother and spouse of a multicultural family My son was born in Tampere almost 40 years ago. At the time, we used English with my Finnish ex wife as an unavoidable lingua franca. But from the very first day at home, we both decided to systematically speak our own native languages when talking to the baby. This meant that I started using exclusively Spanish in all my interactions with the boy. It was not always easy to keep up. The Finnish environment (mother, neighbourhood, day-care, shops, TV, etc.) was pervasively ubiquitous and the child grew understandably more familiar with that language. Meanwhile — as my own language skills slowly improved — it became often tempting to just give up and give in. I stubbornly resisted and, with time, my son and I both started gradually to resort with reasonable effectiveness to Spanish in our bilateral relations. I did not quite realize it then, but an anecdote can perhaps illustrate a collateral and unintended phenomenon that emerged: when he was about four years old, we went by car on a family vacation all the way to Spain. We drove into that country coming from France quite early one morning and soon stopped at a road-side cafeteria in order to have breakfast. My son had been sleeping when we arrived. But he rapidly woke-up and, like children often do, started to explore the place, independently walking among the tables (which were more or less full with customers) while we studied the menu options. Only a few moments later, he came rushing back to us and, wide eyed and obviously bewildered, told me: “dad, everyone here speaks like you...” It dawned on me then that he had grown actually convinced that Spanish was a sort of “secret language”, to be utilized only between us two. The sudden discovery that there were other people (indeed, other world) who also communicated like that, must have been quite a shock. Subsequently, he continued to improve steadily with his Spanish over the years, eventually adding also other languages, apparently with enviable ease. Today, he manages well in five languages, and this has been rather useful in his international professional career. In fact, the positive empirical experience gained with him as a child, was applied successfully by us subsequently with his younger sister. She now speaks fluently several languages as well and has also found it equally advantageous from the professional and social point of view.
In conclusion, I strongly suggest that parents with mother tongues different to Finnish should make deliberate efforts to preserve them, when communicating with their children. Of course, this has to be made systematically, stubbornly, and with lots of patience. I assure you, results can be highly rewarding indeed for all involved. Luis Herrera Today is Zero Discrimination Day. The United Nations and other international organisations remember this day annually on 1st of March. Most of the political and international movements in the last century or more have been in some way inspired by the idea of vanquishing a type or more of historical discrimination. I have been lucky to have met three people who have anti-discrimination on top of their list. And lucky for Familia they are part of our wonderful team of board members. Anna joined Familia because she felt it was close to her daily life and heart. She has found that having a bilingual family brings difficulties if one is alone in it. She describes Familia as a great supporter to those families, and how people don't feel alone in their situation. Also due to her own life expertise, she finds that she could contribute and influence the affairs of intercultural families and support multilingualism through Familia in Finland. Anna feels that the only way to defeat all type of discrimination is through standing against them in every way. So she believes that Familia can help with that today and in future through its support for intercultural families. Anna describes Familia as a very important NGO in Finland for the years to come. Tuuli has decided to join Familia at first as a volunteer, and today she is a deputy member of the Board of Directors. She felt that Familia has the right objectives for supporting an intercultural and a diverse Finland, and that worked perfectly with her own vision. "The future generations are diverse!" explains Tuuli why Familia's work is needed in future. Tuuli believes that for a bigger multilingual and intercultural future there should be organisations that can support those people, and Familia is just the right kind of pioneer in its work to support intercultural families today and in future.
Shimy joined Familia because she saw the equality it called for, no matter what is one's beliefs, background, political views or sexuality, they are all welcome to join Familia. She also speaks of how it is important to help people to integrate into new country, new society or new situation. She describes that it is as important to the new comer to Finland to integrate, so it is important to the who is surrounding the new comer to also integrate to acceptance and understanding of that person. Shimy sees that Familia is doing just that through helping new intercultural couples by consultations, and even helping immigrants through the very affordable Finnish courses. Shimy's looks to the future and sees a diverse world, and it is impossible for Finland to resist that, and for an even bigger immigrant and multicultural society, Familia is needed for the support. "We can't fight discrimination without NGOs like Familia!" Shimy says passionately. She is truly proud to be a deputy member of the Board of Directors at Famili ry. We could take those three courageous people as an example for future generations. If more young people like them are around, we can have a hope of non-discriminated future to all.
If we could just look at the person next to us and think that they are beautiful as they are, with their religion and beliefs, with their skin colour and body size, with their level of education and language capabilities, with their own sexuality and choice of diet, then we can start our "Zero Discrimination" world together. |
blogi - blogAjatuksia ja kokemuksia elämästä kahden kulttuurin keskellä.
Reflections and experiences from the life of intercultural families. kategoriat
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Anyone who lives and works in the world of intercultural families and is interested in the topic is welcome to contribute. The threshold for writing should not be too high, and you can write either under your own name or under a pseudonym. Keep in mind that the views and opinions expressed in the blog are those of the authors and do not represent the position of Familia. The everyday life of intercultural families is interesting and writing about it can also open new perspectives for you! Your story matters and helps to raise awareness about the opportunities and challenges within intercultural families. Blog contributions can be submitted by e-mail (info@ familiary.fi) or via our contact form. Final selection and edition of the stories to be published will be conducted by our staff. Welcome to join us! |